Healing of the Unconscious

I went to a magnificent SAA meeting this evening where I got very honest with everyone in the group about some middle circle behaviors that have been going on for me, and my failed attempts at reigning them in. I have been honest with my sponsor and my fiance about these things, but have been very reluctant to put them out there for the group. There is this false sense that I have that I shouldn't be struggling with such things with the time in sobriety that I have. But there is a greater voice that tells me that I will be accepted and loved, despite my faults, failings, and imperfections. There is, of course, the voice that cries for honesty and transparency, a voice that I acquiesced tonight.

I also had a lovely time this evening with one of my sponsees helping him work his 3rd Step. I never cease to be amazed at the magic of this program and of these Steps. I never cease to be humbled by its work in the lives of others. Perhaps I should be more consciously aware of how the program works in my own life.

At the moment I am reading this fabulous book. Here are some quotations that I think are very pertinent for recovering people:

" . . . because of the 'human condition' and the false programs for happiness that we have developed early on, it seems that we have not yet reached this stage [referring to the graduation from mere self-concern and motivation towards the larger concerns of family, country, and the world] and instead have a sense of being alienated from God. If we emerged into full reflective self-consciousness with a growing sense of being in union with God, then we would continue to develop in the process of ever-higher levels of consciousness, because of the security that comes from our union with God. However, because of our sense of alienation from God, we are afraid and feel alien in the world. The world is experienced as a threatening place" (Murchadh O' Madagain, Centering Prayer and the Healing of the Unconscious, 2007, p. 28-29)

"We should remember that anytime we experience an upsetting emotion, it is pointing to something deeper that is not right. If we find ourselves upset, it is because some emotional program has just been frustrated. The only way to resolve this ongoing problem is to face the issue within us, instead of trying to tackle the millions of issues that will trigger off this reaction from the outside, which obviously is impossible. Until these false programs for happiness are undone, we will go on reacting and being miserable, blaming the rest of the world for our own unhappiness" (Murchadh O' Madagain, Centering Prayer and the Healing of the Unconscious, 2007, p. 51).

"The fourth kind of consent is the consent to be transformed. While this might sound appealing, many people are in great fear of it, as they do not know what it involves and do not want to rush into it. 'The transforming union requires consent to the death of the false self, and the false self is the only self we know.' People can be more afraid of this than of physical death" (Murchadh O' Madagain, Centering Prayer and the Healing of the Unconscious, 2007, p. 56-57).