Third Step Prayer

Dear God,
I find myself wandering the veritable abyss of existence, not in solitude, but in a sense of terminal “uniqueness” that I find frightening and lonely. All the while I strive for harmony and balance I see myself holding ever more tightly to the precipice, not quite ready to allow myself to let go and fall into Your embrace. I spend my life in a virtual whirlwind of activity, floundering about, pensive, about trivial matters. I waste away seeking the fleeting pleasure of another’s positive regard while the rotting corpse of my soul lies hanging, shackled in the dungeon of my despair.

I have come to see there is a better way. No longer must I be strangled in the grip of my own self-deprecation and hasty self-condemnation. No longer must I run after the promise of fulfillment in temporal success.

I have learned that I am not alone in my struggles. I am not that pathetic excuse of a moral reprobate that I have felt myself to be. I am merely a frail human creature who has spent much of his life chasing after the quick fix that only brought more sorrow on its wings. I am forgiven of my “unskillful actions” and have chosen to be responsible for the life that I live. I have learned that I can trust in the gentle arms of the universe to embrace me as I am swallowed by the billowing waves of love.

I know now that living justly means far more than simple moral conduct. It means living, fully, every moment of my life, in the recognition that through my fellow man . . . that which is me . . . . is consumed in You. That which I call my being is transfigured in the flame of Divine Love and is transformed by loving-kindness. I choose to be made whole. I now turn over all that I am to become all that I can be—as a man, as a human creature, as a wounded reflection of the Divine Essence Itself. Teach me to be, to live. Teach me to be present every moment of this precious life you have given me. So be it. Amen.
Love,
Chris
(Published on page 10 in the January/February 2007 Edition of The Plain Brown Rapper, the Newsletter of Sex Addicts Anonymous)